The End of Another Chapter

All things came to an end and for me this year has been one ending after another. The year started out wanting things that I had put off for some time well that dream came to an abrupt ending due lack of funds. Whatever amount I had were dissolved because funds had to be used for other more pressing purposes.

After so many years of separation we finally decided to go ahead and file for the divorce. It was time to finally put an end to that chapter in our lives an although I may have had my reason for keeping it that way for so long in the end I guess everything happens for a reason. I know that I was told by far too many people that I was a fool and they would of cut her off long before I ever did. But I had my reasons and wouldn't go against it unless she was ready to finally file. I am not sure what that is at the moment, but whatever it ends up it is all in the past now.

Well as she had finally decided it was time to move on cause there was nothing left to hang on to and I was in agreement with her on that fact. We finally took the steps to get it done and as it turned out it was a amicable divorce neither party was out to screw the other and we still part as friends. Hopefully all will end well and their will be no problems in the future. As for me I guess I was kind of numb at first cause as much as the marriage was over there was a part of me that hated the fact that this was my second failed attempt at a happy marriage

I remember discussing this with my kids from my first marriage about now all I had to was wait the required 6 month period for it to be final. They both wondered why it was going to to have to take that long for it to be final and all I could say is that I guess it is what they call the cooling off period in case either party or both change their mind about getting divorce. This way they don't have to get re-married all over again.

So now all I had to do was play the waiting game until the eventful day finally made it way closer to the end. Along the way we lost some family members her brother-in-law and my son both suddenly and only weeks apart from each other death. The pain of losing my son still hurts inside but I guess I am learning how to deal with it a little more each day.

With all of this going on there were still the constant new issues that were going on at work that were definitely taking it's toll on my monthly income. I guess sooner or later I will have to make adjustments to my monthly expenses to compensate for the decrease in funds. But maybe I have just living to costly and life and need to really take step back and make the changes to cut things out.

This summer has come and it almost gone but that eventful day came and left without even as much as a thought about it. I guess I have seen too many people go through amicable divorces and when that day arrives there usually a certain amount of sadness that goes with it but for me it was nothing more then a joking session of me finally being able to call myself single again. Of course that is not what I truly feel cause I guess I have been kind of dead inside for a long time. Just numb enough to not really feel anything.

So now my life begins again no longer married, or separated but officially Divorced and Single again for the first time in over 15 yrs. Although I am not looking to change that anytime soon i am also not shutting the door to the possibility sometime in the future. I have been through a lot this past year and now starts that new chapter of being Single again. I only wish my son was here with me to not have start this out all alone. I really miss him and nothing that happens to me in the future will mean a whole lot without him here to share it. So for now all I can do is only take it one day at a time as I have done since he died.