My Apology to the one that matters the most to me.

I have just finished reading a very sad and touching story. I only wish I could that things could be different but unfortunately they are not. As anyone who may have read my previous blog they would know that I recently lost my son and has turned my life upside down. I have been in this fog for the past few months and it is starting to take it's toll on my me. I struggle each day to get started partly cause I am lazy and mostly cause I just can't seem to want to crawl out of bed to pretend that my life is okay and that I am getting over the pain of this loss of him in my life. But this is something that will be with me for some time to come no matter I try to put it behind me it is always going to be there. I know that over time this pain will subside and be easier to deal with, but in the meantime I continue to present the charade of pretending that I am okay.

But that is another story altogether, this message is dedicated to my loving daughter who I have grown to enjoy all our conversations and little outings we have had over the past few months, even though they may be only for errands of some sort we have learned to make the most of it. I am truly grateful that she is in my life and I don't want to hurt her in anyway, but sometimes during our conversations things that come out my tend to really make her sad. I don't always realize that the idle words that come out of your mouth can do more damage to them then if you did them on purpose.

So to my beautiful daughter I just want to say that I am truly sorry for being so down on my life in front of you. You deserve the same shoulder to cry on that both your mother and I have been dumping on you. I always wonder how you are truly holding up and you always reassure me that you are doing well and that you have your friends to help you pick your spirits up. With both your mom and I dealing with this in our own ways I know that you had to be going through a lot more then you ever led on to. I just want you to know that I am a good listener too not just someone to spend time with. I love you with all my heart and don't want you to suffer any additional pains on account of me.

What I have learned to appreciate are those people in your life that are always around to help you up and dust you off and then send you off on your merry way. These are the type of people that are truly to be cherished. Well my daughter is one of those people for me in my life cause without her comforting words to me I think I would of given up on my life a long time ago after my son died. I really am grateful for her being that person for me. I only wish that I could return the favor to her. I know that she is trying to do her best being there for her mother and then me on the side.

I just want to leave this little note. We seldom know how we affect other peoples lives and how much they may appreciate people them, but every once in a while it would be nice to just let them know what they mean to you and how much easier life has been with them in our lives. So here is to you my Mija I love you and appreciate you more then you will ever know. I will always be there for you and I know that we will all get through this and don't forget if you need a shoulder to cry on you can always call me and I promise that things will be different and maybe even venture out to a movie providing it is something that I will enjoy too.

Family is something that we all need to hang on to cause who can love us more then our own family, and if we hold strong to that we will be able to endure most things in our life. I know I can't promise to be around forever but I will definitely try my best to be there for you.