As the days go by

Here we are in the month of March already and one of my biggest headaches is behind me an I am so grateful for that. Now I can start living my life again without all the stress that I tend to have at the beginning of the year. Which usually disappears after April. Well this year was no different then others except that although I thought I was in for some bad news someone must of heard me cause all the worry was for nothing and now I can breathe again with a sigh of relief.

The month has just begun but and it is only a little less then a month to the year mark of my sons' passing and I am dreading it but I am prepared to deal with it as I have dealt with all the other past months as the 6th roled on by. I have learned to deal with a minimal amount of sadness attached to the day but the biggest test will come next month on the Anniversary of his death.

His mother I am afraid will the be the one that will have the toughest time with it all. Mainly cause she has a lot harder time letting go probably cause her being his mother and also cause of the more closer loss of other family members on her side of the family. Which means my daughter will be all the more attentive to her for fear of leaving her alone on that specific date. As for me I will probably do what I have done all year long since he died, get up go to work and try to put in a days work without letting my emotions get out of control.

This April the 6th will fall on a Tuesday which has become better known as Target Tuesday not for the fact that they both begin with the letter "T" but because for some unknown reason it is also the day that new releases tend to come out at Target and sometimes even on sale at a very discounted price. It has become a father, daughter event that we have both enjoyed cause of the general sillyness that accompanies the day of shopping. I guess you can say that it has become a day to just get away from reality and hang out in the store picking up movies or books or even just a general shopping run for supplies for her house or even mine on occasion.

I have really enjoyed this time with her cause even though we talk on the phone and online it is our time to spend together without a care in the world. I mean we still get together on weekend to do the whole day thing spending it with breakfast and movies mostly at my house watching DVD's but on occasion a trip to the actual theatre isn't out of the question and of course it may be even spent waisting time in one store after another just having fun. I love my daughter and as I have said before I really enjoy this time we have together. It really helps me take my mind off of the loss of my son but also cause it keeps us closer together and in a place we both don't want to lose in our lives.

One never knows when that day will come when one of our lives or even both will be snatch away without warning and because of this the time we spend together has become very special to both of us. As with my son I do tend to worry about her in the event that either her mom or myself are taken away from her and lord knows I don't think I could handle losing another child before I die because my will to live would become non-existent. It is even to painful to even remotely ponder that awful thought.

Well I think I have rambled on long enough and I really should be winding down and finishing this little tale of lost adventures, but in parting I want my daughter to know that she means the world to me. She is really my sole reason for striving to want to live if not at least enjoy what time I may have left spent enjoying her company and letting anyone else come between us in any way. I love you mija with all my heart and very being. You bring the smile to my heart that warms me up inside and out.