I have come to realize that I have a very special daughter who has been through a lot and still tends to shine through it all. Even though both my daughter and son have had to deal with a great deal of change throughout the years my daughter has always been able to keep her head up. She has a true optimistic spirit within her that keeps her always looking toward the positive even when things don't look good. My son on the other hand was more like me a realist that knew that bad things happen to us and that is just part of life.
With all of trials and tribulations that have been dealt to our family, my daughter has proven to be the strongest and sometimes the glue that held us all together. Even after the death of my son, she held it together not just for her sake but for the sake of both her mom and I. Being there for her mom even if she was shutting her out for most part of it until recently when she has been coming out from under the cloud that was hanging over her head for the past 6 mos. My daughter was there for all the hand holding when it was required and giving space when that was all that was needed.
As for me my life over the years has been set with all that I could possibly handle the lost of both parents. Two failed marriages and now the lost of my son. Through it all I tried to keep it all together but it has been difficult. After the divorce of my first wife I had fallen into a rut of sorts trying to forget about a failed marriage and being a absentee father to a certain degree. Even after going through another marriage which brought a whole new set of issues to overcome I still was failing as being a parent. Then finally when my son came to live with me things started to make amends little by little.
As for my daughter I will have to admit with my son living with me he was getting all of my attention but I still kept in contact with her and even felt guilty if I hadn't spoken to her for a few days or as much as a week. I realize now that even though my son had most of my attention my daughter wasn't far from my thoughts as were the roles reversed in Ex's house with my daughter and son. But now that he is gone all we both have is my daughter and for all that she is to us she is a Godsend in so many ways.
Since my son has gone the bond between the two of us has grown so much with the daily calls even to the point of her being my back-up alarm for me she is just too good to me. We have spent a lot more time with each other taking her on her errands and as she puts it is always an adventure going with me kind of like a little kids fascination with making a trip to the store with dad. But for me I have to say the thing that I have enjoyed the most is that fact that now for the past few months I have been picking her to come over to my house and we would spend time together. Whether it be just kicking back at home or on little shopping trips I can say that if it wasn't for those weekly visits just the two of us my life would be pretty empty and know that my daughter loves and always will.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
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