Where has all the time gone to?

Well September was a really long month with all the went on for me here at the house. After the whole electrical job was finally over and done with it was the first week of Oct. So now I could finally go on with my life once again without too much interuptions dealing with the repairs being done to my house. The actual work took about a week but the waiting for the approval by the inspector and redo and another wait for him to show up finally again. So all that was left was waiting for Edison to show up and do the final connect to the pole with the proper connectors and relock the Meter on the breaker box.

Now October was a different story all together that month flew by like a blink of an eye I remember just waiting on Edison to show up and then all of a sudden there went the month just like that. I can hardly believe most of the reason I think that it went by so fast was that I managed to work most of the month taking as little as 3 or 4 days off all month. That usually tends to make things go by faster cause the busy you are the less you realize that time is passing by at such a fast rate. So just as fast as October came it went just as fast and then I found myself looking at the month of November with Thanksgiving on the horizon.

November had it ups and downs for the most part started out just fine as any other month working during the week and on weekends spending time with my daughter when I am not actually working that weekend, but as things go there was a loss in the family. My nephew was suddenly struck down with as far as we can tell some type of heart attack. It was kind of a shock cause my daughter and I had run into him at the bank only a week prior to his untimely death. What this did was renew my own sadness for the loss of my son a year and half earlier. And as usual it put a damper on my Turkey day not that I needed an excuse to be alone but none the less a rememberance of a sad time gone by. As usual it is just one more thing to have to take it one day at a time.

Now December has arrived and it started out strong me working as usual and then taking the weekend off to spend it with my daughter something we hadn't been able to do in the past few weekends. So Carisa was extactic at the chance of being able to gourge on her beloved Greek Omelet, two days in a row no less. Monday came and I got up early to go work and then my world came to a screeching halt cause as the day wore on my cold from the past month had return and returned with a vengence which pretty much left me sick at home the rest of the week so the week that started out fine ended with fighting off this illness and wishing that it would finally end. Now the weekend is back again and I am in a serious debate on whether to go and see about work or take another two days off, then start fresh on Monday morning I guess I will just leave that up to how I feel in the morning like I always do.

I know that I still have my life to live and yet I have to sit back and wonder why did all have to happen that way. But for now as I said before all I can do is take it one day at a time and hope for the best. To live my life as if there was no tomorrow and just try to make the best of what I have to live with, which is my daughter, family members such as sisters, brother and all my friends and co-workers that help make each day one to cherish and remember for all that they are worth. Hoping all along that I am given many more days to spend with them all.

Delays , Delays and more Delays

Well this is a little fustrating when the I found out about the power going off on my lights I was really wishing for a quick fix but no that would be too easy. Well they after the visit from the electrician I got the bad news about having to replace the fuse box and re-wire the ceiling lights for most of the house. But first Edison was needed to come down and unlock the meter to be pulled off. Well that part went off without much effort they arrived later that same day. The contractor was notified and said he would be here on Sunday morning.

Well I should of been glad to have the next day off without having to deal with workers tramping through the house but to me it was just another delay of getting the job done in a timely fashion. Well needless to say I pretty muched lounged around the house all day didn't leave although I probably could of but the only thing I would of done is spend it with my daughter but she had to baby sit her mom on her trip to the dentist. So that left me with no company and not really up to going to work for one day and then back home to wait on the repairs.

Sunday arrives and the actual electrical contractor arrives with the other worker and he delivers more bad news more delays cause in order for him to do the work a permit must purchased to get the approval of the modification to the house. Isn't it just like that all the time you can do anything without a permit which is just another way of them taking more money from us then we are already putting out in the first place for the repairs. So now the project has now been put off til Tuesday which now leaves Monday as a free day for me.

So now after one more delay I am now looking at being out the entire week. And although I could probably use the break from reality, this is really not the type of adventure I would call a release from work. And unfortunately although the actual work isn't really costing me anything it will be costing me the required earnings I would of made had I been at work all week. Well I guess I am just going to have to hit it hard when I get back and try to recoup the loss of income.

I am going to be missing out on a few shows during the week but I am playing that by ear for the moment, although for the moment my lovely spoiled little girl has graciously volunteered to try to record my shows but we will have to see for sure if she can pull it off. I know she tells me that she is the recording queen and works miracles so I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best.

Well I think I have rambled on long enough and as they say it only happens in America. So I will on here for the next few days until the power is off so I guess I better call it night for the time being.

Who turned off the lights ?

This month started in the pretty much the same way it always does but instead of working myself to death I was able to take a few days off before started back again. Well after my first day back at work I picked up Planners job for the day. During the day I had to go on a mission of mercy due the fact that someone's car wouldn't start.

So off I went to my daughter's house in order to take her to drop her sick kitty in so the vet can get a urine sample, I keep invisioning the lab techs following her around the facility with a zip lock baggie to catch the urine before it hits the floor and becomes forever contaminated. Well I know that isn't exactly what they do but just couldn't shake that image out. So after dropping of the sick kitty I took my daughter back home and tried to jump start their car which I did but unfortunately I found out later that it went dead again. Which meant I needed to make another trip to go pick up Pixie from the Vet.

And through it all the day still had one more thing for us to do and that was our weekly Target Tuesday run in which we both enjoy shopping, lingering around and all the general sillyness that is usually involved in the day. After the shopping adventure there is always one more stop before going home and that is a trip for food at Fantastic's Cafe where my daughter gets her usual Bacon Cheeseburger and fries and diet coke, Chicken dinner for mom and undecided dad changes it up every week. Then home to scarf all the yummy food before I had to make the trip back home for the night.

Well being it was tuesday I left some lights on at the house so I would be coming home to a totally dark house. Well that was the plan but needless to say that isn't exactly what I came home and saw. All the light fixtures in my house were all off except for my bedroom which is strange in itself but also all the outlets where still working. So lucky for me I do have some lamps in my house it still isn't enough for all the rooms. Obviously this makes it a little bit doing some of the normal routine but I went back to work the next day and got off early to check the power again but unfortunately with the same results.

Well an electrician was needed to come out and check out the problem to determine the cost and if it would be a simple fix or a major overhaul. Well I wish I could say it was the easy fix but unfortunately it was determined it would be a new fuse box and total re-wire job that will take around 3 or 4 days maybe more. So as much as I enjoyed my last exodus from work this time it will be a bit more painful in that I will not be making money for being off this time and depending on how long it takes I might not see a check at all the coming week.

I guess the flip side to this whole sad story is that I will be able to catch up on some reading and my suduko books as I will not have any power to watch tv or listen to music well I do have batteries to listen to music and my Ipad & Ipod too. I better make sure my laptop is fully charged so I can at least do some busy work. I will have to take time off cause I don't like the idea of not being home when there is someone working in my house.

I am also going to have to get ready for my next car maintenance visit and this will be one of the bigger ones cause of it being the 75,000 mile check. Well I can only hope for the best for the rest of this week although I am still up in the air on whether I will be working at all this week or taking the whole week off. Well only time will tell so I guess I have already gone on and on forever now.

A Boy with His Toys

This has been quite a year for me so far, and I am amazed at how fast it has gone by. I guess it is like the older I get the faster time tends to pass by like if I blink another year has come and gone. Sometimes I just have to wonder why things are the way they are. Right now I just get this feeling that no matter what happens in my life I it doesn't seem to replace the emptiness I feel in my heart. I tried to work as much as I can stand working and even with all the work I have been doing I still come home to this empty house and more and more it is driving me nuts. I need to get out and do things but I can't seem to get motivated enough to do anything. I enjoy spending time with my daughter on weekends when I am actually not working which is most of the time but I do see here during the week also. Well I guess I can only do what I have done in the past which is take it one day at a time.

I have made some purchases this year some of it out of necessity, like replacing my tower for my desktop computer which crapped out on me shortly after having to do the same for my daughters computer. Then started all the fun purchases like my new digital camera that I bought so that I could have one to carry around in case of emergencies I tried to tell myself but I haven't had one of those in a long time but nevertheless I got it anyway what can I say it was on sale and I couldn't pass that up now could I, it just wouldn't be right. Next came my laptop that I had been putting off for quite some time, I always wanted to get one for when I have to go to the dealer for maintenance or repair work to have something to do but once again I have only been to the dealer once since I bought it and of all things it was for something that required me leaving my car for a couple of days. I really couldn't see myself camping out their til my car was ready. The rental car I got was okay had a back up camera by the license plate pretty cool but the car well it was just so so.


Now comes all the fun purchases that were just for the sake of having them starting with my Ipod I got cause once again I have always wanted one to be able to listen to music on them. I have friends that have them and tell me how nice they are no more cd's to carry just your Ipod. Anyway I got that I haven't been able to do much downloading of new music not to mentionI haven't really set up my Ipod with proper folders yet. I even bought one of those for dummy books to learn more about Ipods and Itunes. It came with video and book which is still sitting on my desk still unopened which is pretty much the norm with me and any new purchases of books or dvds. Well after purchasing my Ipod earlier this year Apple decides to bring out the Ipad and your right I just had to have it and now I have the bigger Ipad which I store my digital copies of movies and the Ipod to handle all the music since both Ipod and Ipad are both 64 gb.

Now my last purchase is that of one of those Flip video minoHD camcorders I was looking into these a while back but never got past that stage and then recently someone from work brought theirs in and it renewed my interest in them all over again. Well I went out and bought one and have messed around with it here and there but today on my way home I held the Flip in my hand while driving filming my trip home to see how it would turn out. All the while keeping an eye for the cops or chp not wanting to get pulled over for having it in my hand while driving. When I got home I played it back on my TV via HDMI cable. It looked pretty good and clear filming it through my windshield. You can tell it was done by an amateur because the filming showed all the bumps in the road during the playback but nevertheless I was still impressed with the quality of the video.

My next thing for my wish list is going to have to be put off for another year and a half at least. AT&T is coming out with there new Blackberry Torch which is there new Touchscreen version of the Blackberry with the slide out qwerty key pad. I haven't seen it up close yet but just from what I have seen online about it I think it is pretty cool and I would of probably not gotten 2 phones if that was available when I renewed my contract earlier this year. If I had only waited a few more months but then again if I had I wouldn't have been able to loan my old razor to my daughter when hers died. Well anyway now I will have to wait at least a year and a half before I can upgrade without paying full price. So far I like the promo for it and is a better quality then the one that I have but maybe it is for the best cause if there is any problems they can get the bugs out by then like their new Iphone 4G.

Well I guess this is where I summorize the fact that if there is a cool new toy that I will actually use however little but still be put to use to a certain degree. Like I have always wanted to buy the new WII but knowing that I don't really play with the systems that I already have why would I buy another to sit there and collect dust. Well enough my tale of a boy with his toys and keep posted to the possibilities of New Adventures of Tony the Tazman. Well bye for now.

What I call true sacrafice

When I first saw this video I was totally taken by the story that it showed even though it was in Korean all I had to do was watch the video to be amazed to what was be described. It was the ultimate act of love of one person to another and all you could do is be moved by the romance that was taking place and until the accident takes place then you know what true sacrificial love is all about.

I don't know if I could do something like that but it sure makes you wonder how much he loved her to do something like that when it essence it meant giving up his whole way of life in order for her to have hers. But I will let you be the judge of that afer you watch the video.

Toughest Month

I have grown to know April as my toughest month to get through for me. I use to call it my worst month but Carisa started to take offense of it. As it was the month of hers and Joshua birthdays. For me it was mainly cause of tax time that had brought such a sour taste in my mouth knowing that ever April 15th was that time of year that I paid out lots of money in taxes, some years more then others but still quite a bit per year.
I had always dreaded this month for that reason alone and I do apologize to my daughter for ever thinking that the money I spent on her or Josh for their birthdays wasn't an issue but the lack of funds to do so because of the taxes. I love my kids very much and always wanted to do more for them then I was always able to do and until recently I had been strapped on what I could afford to spend for.

But last April was one that sent the whole family into a funk of sorts. We lost Josh last year and although it was a very sad time for us the year still managed to move on as clock work without a care for our loss. We all had our different ways of dealing with it. For me I had to like they say get back on the my feet and go back to work which in a certain way did take my mind off the loss but only while I was at work.

A year has gone by and since he passed away and I can't believe how fast it really went by at first it was month to monh the 6th would go by and they got easier to deal with. Soon it was the holiday seasons which for me was one that I didn't even participate in at all. The sad thing is that I never wanted a christmas tree in my house but went along because it made my son happy having one all decorated and lit up during the night. I am really going to miss that part of christmas seeing how happy he was.

Well the new year came and my usual worrying about tax time was back in my mind and to my surprise it actually was good news I got this year. Which is good considering that April will never be the same ever again cause it will always be the month we lost Josh. With Josh gone my daughter has benefited because I have poured out a lot in her directions since I no longer am splitting things up between the two of them anymore. All my affection is directed toward her in such a way that I really enjoy all the time we spend together either on the phone or online or occasional visits after work. Of course that is not counting weekly get together to just hang out doing various things.

Well April came and went once more and I pretty much tuned up the month with reminders of Josh. I even put pictures of him on my wallpaper on both of my phones. So I can be reminded of his face and his smile. I am very sad that it has taken me to have his pictures to actually remember his face. Cause unlike my daughter and his mom I have not been able to visualize him at all even in my dreams and that really hurts to know that I am unable to see his face in a real an personal way instead of just on the photos I have on my phones.

I can only hope that this next year will be a little easier to on our family and hope that the rebuilding can begin where we can all finally move on and live our lives as our son would of wanted for us to do anyway cause he was always wanting us to not concern ourselves about him that he would be fine. Wel unfortunately he wasn't fine and hurting more then he let on to but still knowing that he is no longer in pain now is a little easier to deal with then it was when everyone was telling us that. So in closing I just want to leave it with he will always be a part of my heart and my life feels empty here in my house. I can only be grateful that I have my daughter to help fill the void in my heart and life. Thank you mija for being there for me I love you very much.

Being Sick is a Drag

Had planned on working through this weekend but wouldn't you know it I ended up catching a cold that would bring me crashing down. I had been taking too much time off already and wanted to step it up a little. Now I am here at my house dealing the alternating sniffles then stuffy nose and of course the constant coffing and sneezing to add to the aggravation.

So I had to call a replacement for my job and I really didn't want to do that cause of the fact that it would leave them with the possibility of getting slower person who couldn't keep up. I know I shouldn't worry about things like that cause they obviously don't care to give us the enough clerks to do the job without feeling so overwhelmed. I am sorry Denise for leaving you hanging like that.

Well so after going home last night I did my usual computer stuff and then headed off to bed around 1 in the morning took my medicine and then slept in well slept in by my standards I woke up around 7:30 but stayed in bed til almost 11 just watching shows off my DVR. When I finally got up I made myself some soup and then after a little while opened up a can of fruit coctail it was good.

Shifted over to the computer room around 3 p.m. and did all my comp. stuff. Took some more medicine and shifted back to the living room to eat some food and empty more shows off the DVR in that room. I pretty much been a couch potato most of the day with the exception to being in the computer room typing up stuff and going through my files.

I have been taking what I like to call a lot of involuntary power naps all day long. Which is okay except when you are trying to watch shows cause then you have to play the rewind game through out the day. Well now that I am back in here typing away again I can only hope that I can finish this without to many power nap delays which I have already been fighting with already.

Well I think that I better get myself in bed now cause I am having to fight it off to much now so I guess this is it for tonight which it actually is already morning like almost 3 a.m. I know mija I should of been in bed hours ago but I wasn't finished yet with this so now that I am done I will say goodnite to you anyone that might be reading my rant an raves.

As the days go by

Here we are in the month of March already and one of my biggest headaches is behind me an I am so grateful for that. Now I can start living my life again without all the stress that I tend to have at the beginning of the year. Which usually disappears after April. Well this year was no different then others except that although I thought I was in for some bad news someone must of heard me cause all the worry was for nothing and now I can breathe again with a sigh of relief.

The month has just begun but and it is only a little less then a month to the year mark of my sons' passing and I am dreading it but I am prepared to deal with it as I have dealt with all the other past months as the 6th roled on by. I have learned to deal with a minimal amount of sadness attached to the day but the biggest test will come next month on the Anniversary of his death.

His mother I am afraid will the be the one that will have the toughest time with it all. Mainly cause she has a lot harder time letting go probably cause her being his mother and also cause of the more closer loss of other family members on her side of the family. Which means my daughter will be all the more attentive to her for fear of leaving her alone on that specific date. As for me I will probably do what I have done all year long since he died, get up go to work and try to put in a days work without letting my emotions get out of control.

This April the 6th will fall on a Tuesday which has become better known as Target Tuesday not for the fact that they both begin with the letter "T" but because for some unknown reason it is also the day that new releases tend to come out at Target and sometimes even on sale at a very discounted price. It has become a father, daughter event that we have both enjoyed cause of the general sillyness that accompanies the day of shopping. I guess you can say that it has become a day to just get away from reality and hang out in the store picking up movies or books or even just a general shopping run for supplies for her house or even mine on occasion.

I have really enjoyed this time with her cause even though we talk on the phone and online it is our time to spend together without a care in the world. I mean we still get together on weekend to do the whole day thing spending it with breakfast and movies mostly at my house watching DVD's but on occasion a trip to the actual theatre isn't out of the question and of course it may be even spent waisting time in one store after another just having fun. I love my daughter and as I have said before I really enjoy this time we have together. It really helps me take my mind off of the loss of my son but also cause it keeps us closer together and in a place we both don't want to lose in our lives.

One never knows when that day will come when one of our lives or even both will be snatch away without warning and because of this the time we spend together has become very special to both of us. As with my son I do tend to worry about her in the event that either her mom or myself are taken away from her and lord knows I don't think I could handle losing another child before I die because my will to live would become non-existent. It is even to painful to even remotely ponder that awful thought.

Well I think I have rambled on long enough and I really should be winding down and finishing this little tale of lost adventures, but in parting I want my daughter to know that she means the world to me. She is really my sole reason for striving to want to live if not at least enjoy what time I may have left spent enjoying her company and letting anyone else come between us in any way. I love you mija with all my heart and very being. You bring the smile to my heart that warms me up inside and out.

Did February really go by that fast

The month of February wasn't so much a insignificant month as opposed to just a quick month. It started setting up computer and installing programs for the various items I had recently purchased. My phones , Ipod and cameras all things I needed to have access with them in order to do stuff with the photos.

So aside from the fun stuff going on with computer during this month I basically went back to my old routine work all day and come home and gel in front of the TV and or computer stuff. I continued to pick up new dvd's to add to my collection and various other things on my weekly shopping trip taken with my daughter. Of course this month I did actually spend more time with my daughter at my house and various times at her house usually for dinner after errand running.

Weekends have gotten to be quite the routine between us picking her up in the morning well as close to the morning as possible grabbing either breakfast at a restaurant or fast food to bring back to my house and then watching one of my latest movies on dvd or blueray. And then sometimes we actually spend a long time being out and about to various stores from 99 Cent only and dollar tree all the way to department stores and Costco.

Usually when the day involves a bit of a shopping spree it usually takes up most of the day and therefore the day tends to go by rather rapidly as they say "Time flies when you are waisting it" well actually I have been told that is my new line by my daughter who in fact loves waisting time together because a shopping trip is much more then just going to the store it involves a lot of goofing off an just whole lot of general sillyness. Which is why we enjoy hanging out so much together in that way.

On rare occasions I have been known to actually cook breakfast for us at the house but according to my kids they like pretty much whatever I make which is nice to hear but not necessarily true cause there are things that I make that I am not totally satisfied with. But I will except the compliments knowing that it is all based on love for each other.

Usually the trip home ends with a stop for food to bring home to the house that all of us can eat and then after a little while I am off on my way to go back home to get a little time on the computer before going to bed to start my work week all over again. Well that was my month in a nut shell and it is surprising how fast it went by.

What I have been up to since my last post.

Well it has been quite a while since I last posted anything so I guess I will have to do the old run down. So let see since my last post I have gone through quite a lot of different things. Which have been both fun and draining to say the least.

The year started with a little bit of a shopping trip to buy a new computer for my daughter cause her old one was acting up beyond what I was able to repair which actually was more a job for my son. But unfortunately his passing has put us at more of a loss then we would like to admit. Cause not only was he our family he was our computer tech to go to for most of our problems or when we wanted to know how to do things on the computer. Well as much as I use to think I knew about computers it was nothing compared to what Josh brought to the table. My look on life has always been if it is broke beyond my ability to fix I would just replace.

So that brings us back to being at the store looking for something that would be adequate to replace my daughters computer. Having to do this without really knowing what we were looking for leaves you at the mercy of the salesperson pushing their products, but lucky for us the person that took care of us was very helpful and really answered out questions and led us in the right direction. So after being in the store for quite a long time trying to decide which one we made our decision and just had to wait for all the installation of stuff that once again would of been taken care of by Josh.

We leave the store to go hangout at my house watching movies and stuff until it was time to go back and pick up her computer and then off to take her home and for me it was the most I had ever done on the 1st of Jan. before considering that has usually been dedicated to watching all the college bowl games being played all day long. Ever since my son passed away I have been spending a lot of time with my daughter partly to not be alone and also cause I know that she needs to get out from the house of depression that she has been living in since he died.

I wish I could say that everything else went smooth the rest of the month but unfortunately hers was not the only computer to go on the fritz and as much as I have been told just to use my son's computer I was reluctant cause of the fact that it was his and I didn't want to do anything to ruin it. It is like that computer stored his whole life and I just can't see doing anything to it aside from going on their doing the normal maintenance, like running the virus scan and deleting stuff off of his email accts.

So after work one day I go in there to look at the towers since all I really needed was a new tower for my computer my monitor had already been replaced and still in good condition. After looking at a few towers I settled on one that was a really good computer and had plenty of room for me to grow into it. I am so impressed on how much faster this computer is then my own one which I still have hooked up since I still need to finish transfering stuff over to the new comp.

Finally as expensive as this month has become I finally broke down and went out and replace my phones and modified my phone service to fit my needs less minutes and more texting and unfortunately a data plan that I had to get with one of the phones and well I added it to both phones. So now I have a new comp., new phones and if that wasn't enough I went out and purchased a new Ipod touch which I have to start loading up with music. I already have about 5 movies on there now. Well the rest of the month went by pretty smoothly without another big item purchase.
Boy was that an expensive month.